'Rules' of the road!

As one of the few people who persist year-round with the self-powered, two-wheeled mode of transport here in Taiwan, I get a real close-up of what kind of behaviour passes for ‘rules’ of the road. And as my wife has recently begun to put pressure on me to upgrade to four wheels, I thought I’d air my observations on driving etiquette as preparation for my vehicle test. Especially, as to my knowledge, there is still no English version of the ‘Road Code’ here in Taiwan!

General Driving

Rule No.

1. As your car is your protective bubble from the outside world/atmosphere, try to ignore every other vehicle on the road. Especially ones behind you.

2. When attempting a manoeuvre that you know to be dangerous, and possibly illegal (e.g. pulling a u-turn across all six lanes of Fu-Hsing South Road during rush hour.) Do it at a speed comparable to that of a giant tortoise with bunions, ensuring a huge traffic build up.

3. After passing any slow-moving vehicle, such as a cyclist or an old man on a scooter, immediately veer across their path to turn right, or to stop to buy noodles.

4. When turning across the oncoming traffic, do not wait until a gap in the traffic. Create your own gap by edging slowly across the road until the oncoming cars have no other option but to stop.

5. a) At junctions, when a car is trying to join the flow of traffic, do everything possible to avoid letting that car get in front of you, even if this means you end up on the other side of the road.

b) Do not stop to observe oncoming traffic when reaching a blind T-junction. Drive straight out into the road, and only stop if you notice the oncoming vehicle is much bigger than you (i.e. bus or gravel truck)

6. Driving in the wrong direction is permitted for bicycles and scooters, and even cars if the requirement is urgent enough.

7. If you drive a Mercedes, BMWs, Lexus, or another brand of luxury vehicle, then you do not need to follow any rules. You are free to drive as you like, park where you like, etc.

Road Signs/Signals

8. At a pedestrian crossing, vehicles have the right of way. It is the stupid pedestrian’s responsibility to dodge between the stream of scooters, buses, and other turning traffic.

9. When a set of traffic lights begin to change, speed up to see if you can be the last vehicle to sneak across. Even if this means endangering the lives of your four children, who you are taking to school on a dilapidated, smoke-billowing 1960's 50cc scooter.

10. Road signs and markings are there purely for decoration. They are to be ignored at all costs.

Parking

11. Sidewalks are for parking cars, scooters, setting up stalls, unloading, and most definitely NOT for walking.

12. Use the kerbs to judge when to stop during parallel parking. If there are no kerbs available then the cars in front and behind make a handy substitute.

13. After parking on a main road, fling your door open as wide as possible without first looking in the mirror for traffic approaching from behind.

14. Double, even triple parking is acceptable when you just have to buy a lunch box.

General Safety

15. Indicator signals and the rear view mirror are there purely for somewhere to hang various paraphernalia, such as soft toys, air fresheners, and Buddha beads, and not to be used at any time.

16. A ‘Baby on Board’ sticker should be sufficient to protect your children. It is fine to let your kids hang out the windows or sunroof as you speed along the highway, and never, under any circumstances make them wear a seatbelt.

Taxi Drivers and Buses

17. Drive as erratically and as dangerously as possible, repeating rule number 3 (see above) wherever possible, but pick up passengers, not noodles.

One final general rule of the road, that everyone should follow in order to stay alive. Treat every other driver on the road as if they are an idiot, because in Taiwan it seems that sometimes, on any particularly frustrating day, this could possibly be true!

Happy driving!